Children by nature are playful. They love to laugh and enjoy all the time. But when it comes to the tantrums that a child does, parents get helpless and panicky. It becomes very embarrassing sometimes. The more the parent tries to subdue the tantrums, the worse they tend to be.
Why does the child throw tantrums?
It is a sign that the child is restless and feels suppressed of its freedom. The early signs would be the child demanding something and later turning to be an adamant behaviour. The wrong handling of the situation leads the child through the tantrums. It normally happens with parents and not with anyone else. This shows that the child is confident that the parent will handle it.
The child might have understood from the family or surroundings how people react to others when their demands are not met. Prolonged distress will also be a cause for tantrums. Sometimes it is a simple lack of sleep or hunger could trigger off a tantrum.
If you can trace the starting point and the cause for the tantrum it will help the parent as well the child to overcome the tendency of tantrums. The simple process of pacifying is not curative. It is just like how the peace mission tries to solve terrorism.
Handling the initial stages of Tantrums:
The children who are throwing a tantrum need to be removed from the scene and placed in an area alone. But do not leave them alone locked up. Your presence is very important. But do not try to react and apply pressure to shut down. Just allow it to settle down by itself. It is not a war as many think. You are not going to win by any force. Even if you can shut the child, for the time being, it returns like an attack. Crude ways will yield worse results of permanent personality damage of the child. So the parent needs patience and actively allow the time to settle down.
Give a nice hug offering all of yourself saying “alright”, “I love you”, “Sorry dear” repeatedly. This heals the child to gain strength and settle down.
What is the permanent solution for chronic tantrums?
If the child is repeatedly throwing tantrums, know that it is a chronic problem. This needs thorough parenting training like ISP- Art of Joyful parenting. Here you will learn how to establish the child’s personality and character which will resolve the problem forever. You will also learn how to guide the child creatively.
Even those parents who have gone through ISP might find a child adamant. The cause could be the differences that started between the parents. If the parents sit and sort out their differences it will automatically help the child to overcome its weaknesses. Know that the child is no less than your own part and a common part of you! You may go for counseling to clear the differences between you. It is a soft way of handling the bugs in your life.